I recently heard about an experiment where half of a focus group were made up with a facial scar. And before they were sent out to have conversations with the public, they were shown their new, scarred features in a mirror.
The half that had the scar overwhelmingly reported back that in the conversations they had that day, they felt judged, tense, and the other person seemed distant.
What’s fascinating about this experiment is that before they left, the make-up artists said they would just put some cream on the scars to make it look more real. In reality, what they had done is remove the scar. So, what they had reported to experience had been their own expectations, not a reality.
We all have scars, both internally and externally. But if we go out into the world feeling we’re going to be judged by them, what Robert Kelck’s experiment suggests is that that’s exactly what we’ll experience.
Luckily, learnt behaviour can be challenged and turned around. But it is not without its work. Much of this work I’ve touched on in previous musings. There are some good suggestions here, too.
I truly wish you all the best in taking back control of whatever mental or physical scars you think you may have. Looking inward for answers is far more longer lasting and gratifying than looking outward for them. And the results of introspection can be staggering if we’re willing to put in the work. Believe me, I know that from experience.
We are what we believe we are. But we can also change that mirror, for better or worse. It’s entirely our call.